Philosophy Corner: Relationships*

(*May not actually contain philosophy)


Okay, well Happy New Year everyone, I hope you all had a whale of a time over the festive period?  Mine was okay but for the last two days of 2011, I was confined to my sick bed having feverish dreams about sawing things in half and escaping from people who wanted to strap me into an electric chair and pass some volts through me.  Strange right?  Even stranger when you consider that one of them looked a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Ahhnald; shocking!

Anyway, those two days in bed gave me a lot of time to sweat and also to think; today I'm going to share my thoughts with you, mainly because I've already washed off the sweat.  So; relationships eh?  Complicated things, wouldn't you agree?  The tangled web of contacts and acquaintances, friends, family and lovers that we throw into the blender of our lives and expect to make sense out of when it's baked into a pie.  Baked into a pie?  I think I might still be a little bit feverish.

Relationships have always been and will always be complicated.  It's the nature of emotions that we never really know how another human being feels (or indeed, how we ourselves feel!) and it's this fact that goes a long way to making things complicated.  With the rise of the Information Age, things have gotten even more complicated.  With websites like Facebook, Twitter, MySpace et al popping up all over the place, not to mention the various chat sites that are available on the Internet, we are now capable of having relationships with people we haven't even met.  In some cases, we will never meet these people and yet, because information, ideas thoughts and opinions are so easily shared in today's world, we forge bonds and friendships in a way that has never been possible before.

So what does this mean for relationships?  Is it possible to consider a person who lives thousands of miles away a best friend?  Even if you've never met them or even spoken to them in person?  If that person supports you, offers comfort when you need it and makes you smile and feel special, then of course they're a friend.  At least in every meaningful way.  What of love then?  Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met?  Sure, you've spoken to them for hours on end about life, the universe and everything; you've comforted them in their weak moments and they have comforted you in yours.  You've shared your most intimate thoughts and desires with each other and found in them a kindred soul.  Sounds like love to me; but can it really be love?

Traditional thinking would have us believe that it's impossible to love somebody you haven't met, but that kind of thinking comes from a time when the world was a much larger place and vast distances meant that love had to be found close to home.  Does that mean then that in the modern world, two people can live and love each other without ever meeting?  Perhaps it does.

What then of the physical side of relationships?  While we would probably all agree that relationships, intimate or not, are enhanced by physical proximity, is it necessary for a successful relationship?  Could two lovers really go their whole lives without ever physically interacting?  Granted, with the technology we have today, people can see each other and speak to each other easily, but is this in any way a substitute for being able to touch the person you love?  Or hug a friend?  Maybe not.

Is physical intimacy or proximity a vital part of relationships then?  Do we require, as human beings, a certain amount of physical 'reassurance' from those we know?  After all, without being able to touch someone else, how would we know they're real?  That kindred soul you met from Texas could turn out to be a 50 year old guy/woman and not the 27 year old stunner you thought she/he was.  Though that example is quite extreme, it brings to light the cornerstone of any relationship; trust.

Ultimately, whether you believe that relationships can be maintained without a physical side or not, you must agree that without trust, any relationship is in dire straits.  Of course, as with most things to do with human relationships, the level and degree of trust placed into each of our relationships is complex.  Some people we trust completely, others we barely trust not to give out our phone numbers to strangers.

For what it's worth, my personal opinion on relationships is that they can be maintained without a physical side, to a point at least.  I will always want to be able to touch a lover or hug a friend when they (or I) need it.  At the same time, I could (and do!)  have relationships with people I have never met and I have made some very good friends through the Internet and its varied social websites.  As for trust levels with these people I've never met?  Well that's the funny thing you see, I trust them more than I trust some of the people I have met physically; after all, if that person doesn't know anyone I know or ever will, what do they have to gain from sharing the thoughts I trust them with?

Cynical and jaded?  Me?  Maybe a little. :-)

Until next time folks,

Kenny