Stuff that I am bad at - Part 1: Dating

So here I am again with another post on my blog!  It's weird because I thought it would be easy for me to do these posts, make them entertaining and keep them that way, but it's pretty damn tough, let me tell you!

Writers block: it can be frustrating.

I can never think of anything to write about!  Then I start wondering what that says about me; am I really THAT boring that I have nothing to talk about, no opinions that I think my readers (if I have any!) might want to know about?  Who knows!?  If any of you do want my opinion on stuff, let me know somehow, either through a comment left on here or on facebook and twitter if you follow me there!  So having already digressed from the topic at hand before I've even started, let's get back to it!

So...dating!  Dating, dating, dating.  It doesn't matter how many times I say/write the word, it fills me with fear.  Like, irrational, sweaty palmed fear!  I hate dating and everything that goes with it, not because I'm cynical and curmudgeonly, but because I am RUBBISH at it.  I mean truly, truly terrible.  Let me give you an example:  I am the only person that I know who has applied to join the eHarmony dating website not once but three times.  Granted the first couple of times were because the site won't accept you if your marital status is separated or divorced.  You have to be single, period.  Anyway, the third time I tried is the time of interest to us.

I filled in the form (cunningly making sure Single was ticked this time!) and then went through those psychology question things they have.  It took me about 40 minutes to answer every question as truthfully as I could.  I clicked enter and waited with bated breath, ready to see a world of ladies who matched me so well, I could marry them all!  The hourglass disappeared and the screen changed to show...

...a page that said they had been unable to find a match for me anywhere on eHarmony!

eHarmony says "Sucks to be you!"

No-one, not ONE person on eHarmony was compatible with me.  The website even says that there's someone out there for everyone.  Not for me, apparently.  So there you are, that's how rubbish I am at dating!  I'm on plentyoffish.com too; guess how many girls I've spoken to....that's right, not one.  They won't even speak to me let alone go on dates with me!  I guess internet dating is not the medium for me then huh?

This?  Easy!

This?  Terrifying.

So let's turn our attention to nights out; clubbing it and getting off with folk.  Yeah, I was never any good at that either.  I have always (and often, just ask my friends) said that you could stand me in front of a crowd of 200,000 people and I would not shrink away; I'd sing, act stupid, talk, whatever.  Put me in a room with a girl I'm fond of but don't know well and I go as quiet as a very dead mouse.  Seriously, it's chronic.  I have always been this way since I was a lad.  I think it may be worse now that I'm in my thirties and even more insecure than I was in my teens.

I'm rubbish at spotting when a girl likes me too!  Honestly, she could be dancing right in front of me, giving me the come on but I wouldn't notice, it's very sad.  Very annoying too because about three weeks after the fact with no way of finding said girl ever again, I'll spot that she was coming on to me!

So I guess that dating and I just don't mix.  My psychologist even once suggested it was a phobia of rejection!  Great, so now I'm scared of girls!  It's more likely that underneath the confident outer me is that little geeky guy who's into Star Trek and Doctor Who and who shits himself whenever a woman says hi to him.  He's the one who jumps to the forefront at those times and all the witty banter and cleverness get replaced with a few choice lines of:

Oops!  Spoilerz

"fleubrgh.....shebleth...ummm..."

"........."

or even "Did you know that Vader was Leia's father too!?"


Whatever the outcome, you can bet I won't do myself any favours on the charm front!  If you've known me for ages, you might be sat there now thinking that it can't be that bad, I'm a nice lad, right? (RIGHT!?)  Well, all I can say is that it's a phenomenon as amazing as the Northern Lights because I can go from 0-Dweeb in 2.0 seconds.  Fact.

So ladies, if you do like me and you think I don't like you, maybe you should say something because knowing me, I haven't noticed or am too consumed with how embarrassing your rejection would be to ever ask you myself!  With that said, I'll try and avoid making myself seem like a complete loser and end the post right here!  I think it might be too late already though! :-)

Until next time folks!


Kenny